Strong Feelings.

PRE03, The Archangel; masquerades as someone who has passed, typically appears to Its victim wearing the guise of a deceased loved one.

I was a fool to have made assumptions regarding Blair’s presence at my window, in my room, in my dreams.

If I had fallen prey to It, no doubt Blair would have wept as hard as Alyssa was, in the aftermath…

I meant, were xe alive.

But xe isn’t.

I have to come to terms with that.

Really, I’ve had to come to terms with many things.

Alyssa was silent, when I came to, and though we were both aware of each other and the fact that we were wide awake, neither of us seemed willing to speak first.

Eventually, she did – she’s stronger than I am in that way, as well as many others.

“There’s no part of you that wishes I hadn’t walked in, is there?”

At first, I didn’t realize what she was asking, but lucky for me, it isn’t so hard to read between the lines with Alyssa, once you get to know her.

“No. I would never want to leave you like that.”

“But leaving me in some other way, that might be fine?” She was looking for reasons to be upset, I think, but like I said, I was understanding why, now.

“Blair didn’t leave us. Blair did what xe could to save us. I suppose…we should have expected The Archangel sooner, given the way Blair died. As a martyr.”

There was a pause, and the air felt so thick with things we needed to say that I might have stopped breathing.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, too,” Alyssa spoke as though the words hurt, leaving her. “After all this time on my own, I finally open myself up to loving people again, and…this shitstorm is the result.”

“Do you love me?” I questioned, and I wasn’t as surprised as I probably should have been.

“I feel a lot for you,” she confessed. “I don’t know if it’s love. Why, do you love me?”

I had to think, for a moment, but she didn’t seem aggravated by the wait.

“I think that summarizes how I feel well,” I felt almost sheepish, not being able to put the sentiment into better words.

“Weird,” she was leaning forward, her head in her hands, fingers laced through her hair. She was laughing a little. “I thought you were, y’know…”

“I don’t think I have a preference, for the most part,” I shrugged. “I love Blair, and it doesn’t matter, and as for you…”

“Maybe I’m an exception, and not necessarily the rule,” she lifted her head, and had this odd little smile on her face. She had her hand on her locket – I realized, after a moment, that I’d been toying with mine. “D’you think Blair loved us, too?”

“Xe died for us,” it was odd; I could finally say it without feeling like the words were sticking in my throat, trying to strangle me. “I think xe did, yes.”

“I’m not sure what that would have made us, if Blair hadn’t died,” Alyssa had a faraway look to her, but brought herself out of it. “I know, uh, normally after not-exactly-love confessions, that’s usually a good time to…you know. But, I can’t…”

“I respect that,” I assured her. “I wouldn’t ask for that. That’s not all this is, anyway…is it?”

“Not with me, I guess,” she shook her head. “Not with us…”

“And that’s alright.”

She came over to the bed, and took my hand. We sat in silence, for a little while.

We’re going to figure out what to do, from here, but after we’ve had some time to collect our wits and make it up to Sal and the others running the hostel. We owe them a great deal, for housing us for so long.

We’ve put them in enough danger.