A Bloody Kiss.

I’m unsure what to think.

I will recount the events that just transpired, but I must confess that I don’t understand them in the least; the only thing I can say with certainty is that Alyssa has her own weakness, something I hadn’t previously surmised.

Perhaps that was foolish of me; I realize I inadvertently treat her, as I did Blair, as though they were invulnerable… Look where that got us, for far.

Alyssa woke up in the night due to a sharp pain in her nose, which she attempted to be dismissive of until it began bleeding.

She spent the entire day being dismissive of it, despite that the flow would not stop. Blood was streaked all down her face, it was on her clothes; she must have been getting dizzy, I’m sure, and she was getting weak on her feet.

Eventually she seemed to reach a decision and told Sheryl that she needed to deal with the problem, though she would require my help to do so.

We stopped at a gas station, and the proprietor had no reservations about lending us the key to the washroom. Sheryl remained outside the store to tend to Windmill (it is still difficult to explain away his presence; our standby is now that he is a retiring racehorse being kept in shape to instead be put to work pulling carriages, for tourism purposes).

Once we were in there… Alyssa seemed to be having a crisis, of sorts. She tossed aside the bloodied towels, pressed her palms to my shoulders, and held me back against the wall – I had never seen her lay hands on anyone she wasn’t attacking. She was shaking badly.

To my shock, she began to cry.

“Don’t want to do this,” she was mumbling. “It makes me sick… Makes me so fucking sick-… I won’t. Won’t… I’ve been clean for ages…”

I told her to take deep breaths, to calm down. She wasn’t making sense, continuing to mutter and tremble. I was too uncertain to initiate any contact in return – everything I knew, and do know, of her, has led me to believe that being touched draws hostility from her.

“I knew this would happen. Being around people. Once they get you, it never stops. I didn’t want it in the first place…!”

She drew back. I thought she was beginning to feel better.

She wiped the blood away from her mouth with the back of her gloved hand, and then kissed me.

It should come as no surprise that I have no memory of ever being kissed, before. I think I was too stunned to respond.

When I could finally piece together two thoughts, I pried her off and pushed her away. I’m absolutely certain she isn’t… Well. I had been given the impression, once or twice, that she doesn’t even particularly like men. If she did, I’m sure she wouldn’t like me; I seem to annoy her, I think.

I told her so. I didn’t expect her reaction to be so…violent.

She threw herself towards the wall. She appeared shaken, but almost… I hesitate to say…grateful.

“Leave me, for a bit… I can fight it… I can get through it… Just go.”

At first, I told her I wouldn’t. Her response was to shove her bag towards me.

“I’ll be fine! Moment of weakness…that was all…” she was taking deep breaths, ragged ones. “Knew it would come to this. Just forgot how to prepare myself – I’m fine. It’ll be fine. Go.”

I was reluctant…but I left her in there. I stayed within the gas station, just in case. Almost half an hour later, Alyssa emerged, much calmer – her nosebleed had stopped, and while she was still disturbingly pale, that spark was back; she was forcing herself strong, I could see it.

She had changed her shirt to a clean one, wearing blue again.

“I thought you didn’t like to wear blue anymore, in case of mosquitoes?”

“It’s getting colder, I’ll take the risk.”

I didn’t press for any more of an explanation; we simply rejoined Sheryl, outside.

I chose not to question Sheryl’s odd expression, either. She seemed distracted – I wonder, perhaps, if she took the opportunity while we were inside to have a drink or two. While I value any ally, sometimes she seems off. Is it the alcoholism?

Our situation is too dire for us to risk that sort of behaviour, but I haven’t a clue how to bring that up gently – not to mention, I feel it is best if we stay out of each other’s private lives as much as possible…

Although it’s becoming difficult for me to tell where our ‘private lives’ end, and business begins.