Thursday, September 20, 2012

Unable To Find An Alternative Explanation.



The worst part about knowing what I (most likely) am is knowing what I am.
My lapses in memory are not points of curiosity for me, anymore; they’re burdens I have to carry around, wondering what I’ve done and whether it was sinister or not.
These fugue states might be the key to healing myself, but now I wonder whether or not it’s better that I’m oblivious.
It just makes so much sense, and I can’t think of a single alternative explanation that seems to fit with the plain facts of which I am aware, and Alyssa and Blair’s accounts.
There is Dissociative Identity Disorder, once referred to as ‘Multiple Personality Disorder’, which would account for the fugue states, but not necessarily the complete lapse of memory from when I was younger (while I am certain I did things such as attend high school, learn to drive, etcetera, I have no recollection of being anything other than an adult, which is inconsistent with DID).
PRE involvement seems certain; Alyssa and Blair both told me what they have seen me do, and it stretches the limitations of the human body…to put it lightly. I am not, nor can I believe that I’ve ever been, strong, fast, or athletic in any way. I certainly don’t look it, either.
However, they told me that I was capable of outrunning a horse, and throwing two attacking Martyrs off of me without so much as breaking a sweat. Today, I attempted to do similar things (Blair offered to spar with me, and try as I might, I was unable to fend xim off. Xe is an impressive grappler) with no success.
I have looked into PREs who appear to take over one’s mind – my strongest suspicion was that I was playing host to a shard of the Dying Man – but it still would not explain other things.
Such as, how did I come across the term ‘Phobic Representational Entities’? How was the term ‘The Grandfather’ already in my head?
Lastly, of course (the clincher): why would members of the Archive be intent on killing me?
I hardly blame Blair for beginning to doubt me. I’m doubting myself.

1 comment:

  1. Pray you don't have a piece of the Dying Man, INSANITY will make me kill you for it, and I rather like you and co find out what's up.

    ~sanity

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