The worst part about knowing what I (most likely) am
is knowing what I am.
My lapses in memory are not points of curiosity for
me, anymore; they’re burdens I have to carry around, wondering what I’ve done
and whether it was sinister or not.
These fugue states might be the key to healing
myself, but now I wonder whether or not it’s better that I’m oblivious.
It just makes so much sense, and I can’t think of a
single alternative explanation that seems to fit with the plain facts of which
I am aware, and Alyssa and Blair’s accounts.
There is Dissociative Identity Disorder, once
referred to as ‘Multiple Personality Disorder’, which would account for the
fugue states, but not necessarily the complete lapse of memory from when I was
younger (while I am certain I did things such as attend high school, learn to
drive, etcetera, I have no recollection of being anything other than an adult,
which is inconsistent with DID).
PRE involvement seems certain; Alyssa and Blair both
told me what they have seen me do, and it stretches the limitations of the
human body…to put it lightly. I am not, nor can I believe that I’ve ever been,
strong, fast, or athletic in any way. I certainly don’t look it, either.
However, they told me that I was capable of
outrunning a horse, and throwing two attacking Martyrs off of me without so
much as breaking a sweat. Today, I attempted to do similar things (Blair
offered to spar with me, and try as I might, I was unable to fend xim off. Xe
is an impressive grappler) with no success.
I have looked into PREs who appear to take over one’s
mind – my strongest suspicion was that I was playing host to a shard of the
Dying Man – but it still would not explain other things.
Such as, how did I come across the term ‘Phobic
Representational Entities’? How was the term ‘The Grandfather’ already in my
head?
Lastly, of course (the clincher): why would members
of the Archive be intent on killing me?
I hardly blame Blair
for beginning to doubt me. I’m doubting myself.
Pray you don't have a piece of the Dying Man, INSANITY will make me kill you for it, and I rather like you and co find out what's up.
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